I feel like I'm the worst person in the world. I wrote an entry, and then realized that if Kyle read it, he'd take it completely the wrong way and would feel bad. So I didn't post it. I feel like I have mean, evil thoughts running in my head that normal people don't. And the worst part of it is, I don't care sometimes. Sometimes I want people to hear my thoughts and be hurt.
Tell me what to do now! Tell me what to do in this instant when I feel this way! Am I supposed to sit with my thoughts? The more I sit with them, the angrier I become at everyone. I feel like my skin is crawling off in disgust from my thoughts. Get me out of here! Get me out of these thoughts! Get me out of this place! Get me out of myself!
Apologies as I'm almost a completely random person happening upon your blog, but it's ok to have mean thoughts.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, odds are good you wouldn't be thinking of them if there wasn't some kind of reason or purpose to have feelings behind that sort of thinking, even if they might hurt other people in your life.
Not caring about what others think and being ok with hurting the occasional person who is close to you can be honest and necessary when it's not manipulative. Plenty of perfectly 'nice' people have mean thoughts and that's all there is to it.
In light of the idea that you feel so sick from having them, perhaps you are better off committing them to some medium, even if it's a paper journal.
Regardless, take care, random stranger.